In light of the upcoming election, there’s been one thought that has been constantly running through my head: I should totally run for president. But then it hits me- there’s just too much dirt, too many skeletons.
You know those negative campaign ads- the ones that claim one of the candidates used to be a henchman in Hitler’s army? Well I know my hopes of being the next POTUS would be dashed when the mud-slinging gets pointed in my direction.
Because of this, I thought I’d get it out of the way, and make my very own negative campaign ad. Here are some of the reasons the commercials would tell you not to vote for Stephen Haggerty:
- “He once thought the Green Party was an Al Green themed costume party featuring disco suits and baby-making music.”
- “Talk about a flip-flopper. This guy wears flip-flops more than he wears shoes. Never trust a flip-flopper.”
- “The most money he’s ever raised for a race was $35 for a 10k he ran in… in which he placed 13,463rd.”
-”He hates wearing suits. Imagine: the first inaugural address in jeans and flip-flops.”
So there you have it, America. A vote for Haggerty is a vote for communist Russia.
Sponsored by the league of Americans against communist Russia and flip-flops.
Who would be a better negative campaign ad narrator: Darth Vader or Screech from Saved By The Bell?