Top 10 Ron Swanson Quotes

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One of my favorite characters on TV these days is Ron Swanson. If you’ve never watched “Parks And Recreation,” first of all, I’m sorry. Stop what you’re doing, get out from the rock you’ve been under, and begin living. Second, you should know that Ron Swanson is basically the epitome of a red-meat-eating/facial-hair-wearing american male… which is exactly why he is one of my heroes.

He’s gruff and he speaks his mind, and that just isn’t any way to make friends. Because of this, I like to live vicariously through Mr. Swanson. Every time I want to tell someone the first thing that comes to my mind, I use my filter, and later go back and pretend I said the thing that Swanson would have said. This method isn’t perfect, but it’s working for me so far.

All that said, in case you find yourself in a circumstance today where you’re asking, “What would Ron Swanson say?” fear no more. I present for your enjoyment, the Top 10 Ron Swanson Quotes of All Time:

10: “Anyone want to go to JJ’s for some after-dinner omelets?”

9: “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

8: “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”

7: “Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They’re too strong for clippers.”

6: “I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.”

5: On surprise Birthday parties: “I don’t like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don’t like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”

4: “Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.”

3: After being asked if he’s ever eaten a turkey burger: “Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.”

2: “When I’m done eating a Mulligan’s meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.”

1: “You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this Ron Swanson moment. Now get out there, and keep wishing you could pull off the bushy mustache/ furrowed brow look that only a man of Swanson-stature can.

Are you a tell-it-like-it-is type of guy/gal, or do you prefer to have friends?

  • Phil

    Most quotable character on tv. The bacon and egg bit is my favorite followed by ” you had me at meat tornado.”

    The man has a pyramid of greatness for goodness sake. :)

    Great post Stephen

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Thanks, Phil! “Meat tornado” makes my mouth water.

  • Tyler Hess

    you had me at meat tornado

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Today’s blog and its comments may cause me to sneak in a mid-morning pre-lunch lunch before taking my actual lunch.

  • austingilly

    I love it. He is so funny.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      No doubt. Great show/ great character.

  • Jeff Bickley

    I love Ron Swanson! I also love bacon. Granted, not quite as much as he does. I have a problem sometimes with that filter, thing, too. Speak first, think later. Not my motto, but, unfortunately, it’s what I tend to do.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      You’re a great man, in that case, Jeff! :)
      I think most of us could do a little more thinking and less speaking- easier said than done, I’m afraid.

  • Chris Adams

    I believe quote #1 may have made it into my vocabulary. A month that passes without using that quote is a month that does not have nearly enough bacon and eggs, and a month that I become less of a man.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Mmmm… eggs. Mmmm… Bacon. You’re speaking my language, Chris.

  • Larry Carter

    I honestly didn’t know the name Ron Swanson. I rarely watch this show.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Well get watching, my friend! ;) I think you’d at least appreciate Ron. Watch some youtube clips to get a taste for him.

  • Daniel Carman

    I do not want you to think me uncool or some type of cat owner, but I have never seen Parks and Recreation. …. Are we still cool? Despite this deep flaw in my character, this list of quotes was indeed chuckle-worthy.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Ha. We have two cats, and I’m pretty uncool, so you’re in the clear!!
      Glad to have introduced you to Ron Swanson. He’s a great man.

  • Ricky Anderson

    I find out other people’s opinions, and then make sure mine match.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      You are brilliant, Ricky. But then again, I’ve always known that.

  • Bill (cycleguy)

    I tend to like friends so I have learned to choose my battles wisely

    • Stephen Haggerty

      :) It’s so darn hard! Why do people have to have “feelings”?!

  • Loren Pinilis

    Number 9 was hands down my favorite. I was thinking of that as I read your introduction.
    I’m a real tell-it-like-it-is guy, so I’ve had to learn to trim that back a little.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Nice, Loren. Trim it back indeed- like a well maintained lot of facial hair.

  • Jason Vana

    I think it depends on the person. Some people I can be brutally honest with and they still want to spend time with me (weird, I know). Others I have to sugar coat the truth a bit so they don’t think I’m some kind of crazy lunatic.

  • Rob Shepherd

    i love Parks and Rec!

  • jasonS

    Oh yeah, I knew you were a man of discerning taste. I love Parks and Rec and Ron Swanson is amazing–totally unlike me in just about every way, but amazing. :) Great quotes and that video was great. Thanks Stephen!

  • Floyd Samons

    I guess I’m gonna have to crawl out from underneath my rock… This is the first time I’ve ever heard of him… Then again, I don’t need encouragement to be more of a blurter than I already am!

    thanks to Jason for linking this up.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Hey, the world needs blurters too… Keeps the rest of us honest :) I appreciate Jason sharing the post!

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