Beards to be feared

[box color=white]Life is crazy, or so they say. Or so I say. But who’s counting. All I know is that life is even crazier when you’re moving your possessions and spouse and cats from one city to another. Hence, I’m posting this throwback post from last year to remind you I’m here without actually having to write anything new. Slick, huh? Hope you enjoy.[/box]

“Hey, Stephen – cut your beard. You look homeless.”  This is a comment I hear now in some variation or another on what’s pretty much a daily basis.  I think it’s because growing a beard is more or less the equivalent of wearing a sign around your neck that says “really- tell me whatever comes to mind when you see me. I have no soul and/or feelings- please feel free to filter nothing you tell me about my appearance. Honest, I can take it, I mean, I’ve got three inches of hair on my face.”

Some people don’t understand the beard. It’s one of the world’s most misunderstood specimens, and it cannot be tamed.  One thing that brings me solace in such a hostile world is to know I’ve joined forces with the likes of many a great beard.  Each time I see a robust man-beard on the face of some noble soul, I’m given the strength to endure whatever beard insult may come my way.

On which note, in honor of great beards across the world, I give you my top five beards of all time:

#1- Jason Schwartzman.  This guy is one of my favorite actors.  He  said he grew it “for a role.”  You’re not fooling us, we know you competed in No-Shave November.
#2 – Brian Wilson.  If you ever are looking for a laugh, listen to this Giants closer being interviewed- one crazy dude.  At any rate, he’s a personal beard-hero of mine.
#3 – Zach Galifinakis.  Sort of a no-brainer on this one (peep the beard band-aid).
#4 – Rabbi Shmuley.  From TV’s “Shalom In The Home.”  When I grew my first “real beard”, my sister, Erin nicknamed me after the Rabbi.  I have not forgiven her.
#5 – This guy.  Don’t know him.  Seemed crazy enough to include into the fray.

Don’t take my word for it.  Vote for your favorite beard.

  • Phil

    I’ll refrain from calling you the rabbi; these are some great beards. Guy at the bottom gets my vote

    • Stephen Haggerty

      I’m with you, Phil. Something about that beard demands respect and/or trepidation.

  • Daniel Carman

    Hey, if you haven’t read it before, it’s new to you! Love the recycled blog. If you randomize the words, you actually can have an infinite number of new posts without ever having to get your fingers dirty.

    I wish you peace on the move and the ensuing settling in. In my always selfish ways, I am actually glad that you are moving. You and Brooke are already having a positive influence on me.

    • Daniel Carman

      I was just scanning the CNN headlines at lunch time. The headline that caught my eye read “Bearded men cause bridge closure” (see I think this is somehow important for your kind.

      • Stephen Haggerty

        See, I’ve always said beards don’t go well with camo and assault rifles. Kind of a rule of thumb I guess.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      Thanks for the welcome and kind words, Dan! I’m glad to be closer to cool dudes like you. Wanna do coffee or something one week after we’re settled in?

  • Alexis Sanchez

    Have to vote for #3 Zach!!

  • jasonS

    See, I hadn’t considered a beard being a shield from rude and thoughtless comments, but it makes sense! Gotta vote for the Lord of the Rings beard at the bottom. That is some beard-dedication… or complete lack of hygiene, but either way I’m impressed.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      I definitely think it’s a high level of beardication, and great call on the LOTR. He looks like knows exactly where the ring is.

  • Jeff Bickley

    Brian Wilson for the win. Not only does he have an awesome beard, he’s one of The Beach Boys.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      :) Touché, Jeff. His beard is epic and his name makes me want to go on a surfing safari.

  • Tyler Hess

    no ZZ Top? how about the tentacled guy from Pirates of The Caribbean 2 & 3?

    • Stephen Haggerty

      You just named my #6 and 7. It’s like you’re inside my head, Tyler.

  • Loren Pinilis

    I would say #3, but how lame is it to need a beard bandaid? I just let mine scar and scab over.

    • Stephen Haggerty

      I know- WHAT A PANSY!! Might as well have been a care bears band-aid.

  • Dan Black

    After reading your blog for a while I have started to notice more bearded men. At times I wanted to take a picture of the wild beard I have witnessed(and send them to you) but have been to afraid of the after math. Maybe one day I’ll have the guts to take a picture.

    I would say #2

    • Stephen Haggerty

      That’s hilarious, Dan :) Glad your worldview is now filled with a little more beard.

      • Dan Black

        Yes it is:) Have a wonderful weekend bro!

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